The other day, one of my teachers told the class never to comment on the way a girl looks first, especially young girls. Compliment their personalities, or intelligence, and tell them you like their new haircut later. If the first thing you compliment a girl on is her appearance, then that is what she will think is the most important thing about herself.
i thought i left my ipod in the theater so we went back to look for it and i couldn’t see so i turned on my ipod to give me some light so i could find my ipod do u see where this is going because i did not
1. The best way to know when your asparagus is done is when you’re bored and don’t want to wait to eat it.
2. Breast cancer is a made of suck disease that attacks one of my very favourite organs of ladies.
3. Albert Einstien was a Physicist. Not a quotation generation machine.
4. Dora, you’re weird. You’re a toddler, you should be inside.
5. Doctor pepper ten. It’s not for women. It’s for apparently, misogynists.
6. Hank, if you could be an athlete, who would you be? This would challenge Hank’s ability to name an athlete.
7. The venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and boys you don’t wanna date is a circle.
8. There are going to be some people in your life who do not wanna kiss you.
9. When I was a kid, I believed that the definition of “Rich” was that you had stairs in your house.
10. Oh my god, I am a banana.
11. Whenever I would bring a girlfriend home, mom would show her my baby pictures and say, “Look at that tiny penis! When he came out of my body, I was like are you sure that’s a boy?” and I would call up Mad Eye Moody and be like, “I’m gonna need a disillusionment charm. ASAP.”
12. I don’t wanna film the yeti because I think her cute will break the camera.
13. I am very bad at video games, but I’m very passionate about them.
14. If you’re not the person giving birth, it’s time for you to say “You’re doing awesome!” and then faint.
15. Hank, I’ve been thinking about this. What is keeping you from being the next Justin Beiber.
16. Whenever you’re furious with your parents, just remember that you vomited on them, and they kept you.
17. Next you’ll tell me that six to the fifth power is not four.
18. Fishing boat proceeds are the unicorn of my tax returns!
19. I’m very lazy, not that I don’t work hard, but I don’t move much.
20. Even though my baby is gonna have a doofus for a dad, he’s gonna have an awesome mom. And an awesome Uncle Hank and Aunt Katherine.